Not for all readers

OK, the most hilarious thing happened in the barn tonight. However, I fear that some people will think it’s a case of TMI. So, I am warning you now, if scatological humor is offensive to you, DO NOT read this post. Really.

I was doing chores tonight when my tummy suddenly felt very upset. I was “caught short”. I had to poop. Right now! I knew there was no way I could make it to the house without an accident. It was an emergency situation. I had to squat over the gutter, quickly! (We do not have a bathroom, or running water for that matter, in the barn. We do keep a roll of cheap paper towels there, though.)

Sooo, as I am squatting there, trying to keep my balance, the hens all come running to see what I am doing. They have never seen me in this particular position before, with my pants down, no less. So here are all six chickens gathered around me, staring at me intently. When chickens are REALLY interested in something they will turn their head to the side so they can focus with one eye. Six eyes fixed on my backside, unblinking, bobbing around to ensure the best possible view.

When the… ummm … deposit exited my body and landed in the gutter, the hens all drew their heads back and collectively said bucka-buck! They seemed so surprised! I think maybe they thought I had laid some kind of a weird egg. When I stood up they all circled around it, giving it their one-eyed intense concentration. After a few minutes they lost interest and wondered away. But their reaction to the actual evacuation was hilarious. The whole situation was hilarious. I was literally laughing out loud as I squatted there.

I remember my dad being sick when I was a kid and we had the cows. Farmers can’t call in sick. Cows need to be milked, even if you have a fever, bronchitis, or a stomach virus. I remember dad having vomiting/diarrhea, having to use the gutter, leaning against the cows because he felt so weak and miserable, but needing to keep working. I, too, have done chores many, many times while sick. Hacking my lungs out with bronchitis, dizzy with fevers, walking slow and stiff from back spasms… . But I never thought the gutter squat would happen to me! Nor did I ever imagine that I would be laughing out loud if it did.

It must have been something I ate disagreeing with me, because I felt better immediately after “the deed” was done and I feel fine now. And, as embarrassing as relating this has been, I am still chuckling to myself as I recall the one-eyed intense gaze from all 6 hens as they ogled my bare behind and then their heads whipping back with their synchronized bucka-bucks. I figured if I can laugh at telling about it, as embarrassing as it is, then other folks would probably get a good laugh out of it as well.

Like I’ve said before, every day is an adventure!

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