Me: Bear, we need to talk.

Bear: Scratches?

Me: Alright, I will give you scratches. But we need to talk about your weight. Your belly almost hangs down to your knees!

Bear (hanging her head): I know. I can’t seem to lose weight no matter what I do.

Me: Well, I have been cutting back on your food, hoping to help you lose weight. But I really wish you would stop yelling at me about it. It’s for your own good, you know.

Bear: More scratches?

Me: ~Sigh~ Yes, more scratches. But you need to lose weight!

Me: Moana, we need to talk. You’re too fat! You need to lose weight!

Moana: I am not fat! I’m a sheep. I am fluffy!

Me: Sissy sheared you last week. You are not fluffy now, but you are still fat!

Moana: I am big-boned!

Me: See this big belly right here? This thing that wobbles back and forth when you walk? That is no bone!

Me: Fatty Patty, we need to talk.

Fatty Patty: I’m busy right now. I am eating.

Me: That’s the problem. You eat too much. Look at you! Your back is like a dining room table!

Fatty Patty: A dining room table with food on it?

Me: ~Sigh~

Me: Freckles, we need to talk. You are too fat. You’re almost as wide as you are tall!

Freckles: You’re a fine one to talk about anyone else’s weight. Look at YOU!

Me: I know I’m too fat. But I am not in danger of being culled for being too fat! Besides, this is about you’re weight, not mine.

Freckles: Don’t you-fat shame me, Keen! I have rights, you know!